Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Times they are a changin' for Rosie...
Sometimes something comes along in your life, like a film, that changes you. Tonight I saw one such film. It made me see how important and real things really are. How real death is. How utterly real and incredible life is. I always thought I was one of those people who saw that anyway - I find silly silly little things very poigniant. But it's not very often something will come out of the blue and smack you right between the eyes with such power you go home and miss and want certain people with such pain you sit in complete silence and feel that your life will be different from this day on. Sometimes I feel like I live in complete naivety - like I'm yet to make the big discovery. Sometimes I feel quite wise - but to people older than me, I'm not. I've come to recognise a facial expression in older people - especially the elderly - they look at you with a deep down knowledge that you can't comprehend yet - they know that they know better than you. In youth, you see that as being patronised, you think you know it already - chances are, you already do in some ways. But things deepen and deepen and deepen with time - I'm really noticing that at the moment. I left the cinema feeling both older for the experience - quite a feat for a couple of hours worth. Recently I've been coming to an understanding about just how important it is to be loved, and to be around people who love you for who you are, and who truly know you. Deep down. From the inside out, to your very fingertips. It is so unbelievably important. 'True happiness can only be shared', as someone wrote down in the film as he faced his death. The thing is, it's all about barriers at my age - letting them down, risking the hurt, the scorn and the heartbreak. At 28 you think there's still time to fart about with your 'issues', when there really is not. I'm not a child anymore - this is not a playground where every other person is a bully who will take what is most precious to you and crush it. I'm willing to let them down for some people...but sometimes it's other people's barriers who prevent them from seeing you lower yours. Maybe I'm having a wee bit of trouble with that recently. I see people using their insecurities as a barrier sometimes - imagining thoughts in my head that are not true. I can also see other people using convention as a barrier to happiness. I have my own - which go up and come down with the wind. Some people interpret that as 'blowing hot and cold'. I can definitly see that. Maybe as you get older you cling less tightly to the things that protect you - as you see more and more just how precious life is, you're more willing to open your heart and soul to people. To take the risk. Maybe that's part of why younger people feel a bit uncomfortable with the old - because the young can see how much they mean to the older, being not as barriered with feelings and it makes them feel uncomfortable. While the older can see the younger feels awkward and will only show love in their eyes - the windows to the soul. You can see their affection for you - but it is hard to know how to react to it. Also, the older will tell you to appreciate life and live it to the full, but obviously, you know that already.... but not to the extent that they do. I've always noticed how open elderly people often are with things that upset them, that move them, how they feel about you, how grateful they can be. I always thought it was just because they were 'instead of counting up the years, you count down the years' as my dad put it on the weekend. I am generalising a little here, and I may not be right, but I'm going by my experience in life with the lovely people who I have encountered. When I'm even older I'm sure I'll try and tell the young uns how important life and love is and they'll say they already know, too... In a while I'll look back at this and think how naive I was, probably. But I know this now; I want to love, and be loved, too...in the truest sense. No pretending to be someone else. I'll still have a way to go with my pride, I just hope whoever she may be will be able to see through it and give me a smack.
Go see 'Into the Wild'
No popcorn, loo breaks, munchies or chatting!
Not at a party, see it on your own, or with someone else special...
It's a longun, but have patience with it. It's worth it. Notice the look in the old man's eyes as they say goodbye. ¶ 11:41 pm
Go see 'Into the Wild'
No popcorn, loo breaks, munchies or chatting!
Not at a party, see it on your own, or with someone else special...
It's a longun, but have patience with it. It's worth it. Notice the look in the old man's eyes as they say goodbye. ¶ 11:41 pm
